It’s so easy to stay angry, to focus on the injustice, on the broken system. But anger by itself won’t fix anything, and over time, it starts to destroy not only you but the relationships around you. Being angry is exhausting, and it makes you bitter and isolated and not fun.
I don’t want to be not fun. I want to be someone who wakes up in the morning to the sunlight, and appreciates the warmth on my face, who can kiss my husband and tell him I love him, and who doesn’t want to yell at the annoying adorable new puppy who wakes up way too early and starts whining.
I was my brother’s advocate for most of my adult life. I tried so hard to get him the help he needed. Now, I try to put that energy into remembering the good days we had, though there weren’t enough. Beautiful moments like the last night we had together when he played his guitar for me after dinner, gave me a hug and told me he loved me. The next day I’d be more than happy to forget, but I carry that day with me too, because I made a promise to my brother.
Professionally, I’ve spent the majority of my work life in and around the mental health system, doing what I could to support advocacy efforts, treatment providers, and organizations who are trying to do the often unappreciated work of supporting those struggling with behavioral health needs.
As I sit here thinking about my brother’s life, I’m reminded that there have been some pretty significant structural advancements in the behavioral healthcare world in the past twenty years. The passage of mental health parity legislation that meant people with MH/SUD issues couldn’t be treated like second class citizens. The Affordable Care Act that disallowed discrimination for pre-existing conditions and creation of Obamacare, the health insurance marketplace, that created an affordable option for people to buy health insurance – of which I am a satisfied customer. The creation and funding of Certified Community Behavioral Health Centers to increase access, ensure quality, and set standards of care. And most recently, the launch of 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Things DO get better. All of us advocates are moving the mountain.
Rafe, Raphael Leon Sweeney, would have turned 56 this past Sunday. And with World Suicide Prevention Day having just passed (Sept 10), I wanted to remember him and the promise I made to him the day we lost him to suicide. I promised my brother that I would keep working to support the people who spend every day trying to help, trying to reach into the void and bring people like my brother out of the darkness. And I know that we will.
So today I’m recommitting to turn my anger into action, to do what I can. And I encourage each and every one out there, whatever your “work” is, to do something kind, make the world a little sunnier, brighter, better today for someone else. And give a little grace today too. We never really know where people are at, and who’s struggling with what. So just… be kind… and give that grace. And to all of the people who touched Rafe’s life trying to help, I appreciate you. My family appreciates you. Thank you, and keep at it
And if you’re interested in learning more about our story, we had a couple of big articles written about our struggles in the Providence Journal, one before he died; the second after.
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